Flyers
The Blackhawks Are Really Mature
You know it’s one thing to use the word “gay” when you’re walking down the street with some friends, spot a puppy nibbling on a bone in the sunshine, cool breeze flowing over you and say “I feel so gay right now.” Maybe you’re playing frisbee in the park, picnic basket off to the side, barely legal teenagers prancing around in their bikinis off in the distance and you yell out to the heavens “This day is so gay and I can’t contain myself!”
Or maybe you’re a Chicago Blackhawk player who just won the team’s first Stanley Cup on the worst clinching goal in the history of sports, and instead of celebrating graciously in the showers with your lathered up, muscly teammates, you decide it would be cooler to call the opposing team’s least gay player “gay.” Wouldn’t karma be so much cooler if Chris Pronger walked into the locker room, dragged Patrick Kane by his cute, curly hair and pork plowed his anus with so much force his nose and mouth bled uncontrollably? Now THAT would be gay. In a good way.
Chicago F Yourself
Here are a few pictures of what looks like Blackhawks fans partying with a solid 75 people in the streets of Chicago yesterday with some thing called the Stanley Cup. I say that because when reporters asked the fans in the streets if they were there to see the Cup, 80% of them looked at the reporter puzzled and said “nah, we’re just here for da brats guy, whatsa standley cup and wire all dees people in da streets?” It’s crazy to think that a good 50 of them probably had to call out sick from work just to go see this. What a sports city.
If this would have been in Philly, there would have been 100,000 wasted Italians in South Philly rioting for three straight days, surviving on a steady diet of beer and violence. The city of Chicago deserve this cup about as much as the Native Americans deserved murderous, greedy European settlers landing on the beaches of Plymouth.
What Chaos!
Not sure any of us really want to watch this again, but it’s still pretty amazing how anti-climactic and ultimately soul crushing it really was. “Get the paddle down” is the new “wide right” or “laces out” for me right now. Of course, if Jeff Carter shoots that puck anywhere towards a corner, this never happened. Back with more on our mulleted vanquisher later.
Never Forgotten
City of Pain has long been known (and usually will be) for reporting and propogating despair and athlete hate. It’s in our blood, sorry. This website exists and was founded in 2007 because we needed a way to vocalize our anger. Like most things in life, it’s easier to focus on what isn’t working than what is.
This is one proverbial stitch in time that deserves our recognition.
Let me (and not the slouches at Philly.com who will continue to post us on their blogroll) be the first to say that the 2009-2010 Philadelphia Flyers will go down as one of the most important teams in the history of Philadelphia sports. The lessons of playing when it matters most and never giving up have frankly moved me more than I thought. Believing in the concept of destiny has never been what this city was about. We should have been the capital of the country (have fun with that DC) and were once the forefront of America in every sense of the word (good luck with that NYC, hope nothing ever bad happens to you…oh wait), but we’ve gotten over that. We have remained true to what we are, and that is a city which simply wants to fight and win. If you give us that (see Rocky I), we’ll love you forever, no matter what the result may be. Rarely we win, and often we lose.
There have been teams that have conjured up these same emotions. The 2001 Sixers, the 2005 Eagles, the 1987 Flyers, and the 1993 Phillies. Dates, names, seasons, it’s all the same bullshit. I often dream that any of these teams could have held a championship banner, but then I feel guilty depriving a seven year old Ivory Coast(ian?) boy of his 1997 Flyers Stanley Cup Championship t-shirt and the tears start falling. Those teams just couldn’t get the job done, and unfortunately, always as the underdogs. In a way these teams hold as much, if not more, mysticism than the championship teams. There is something about wondering what could have been that makes what wasn’t, more attractive.
I’d like to be the first person to welcome this season’s Flyers to the pantheon of teams that will never die in our blackened, bitter hearts. Honestly. With the exception of the 1993 Phils, I refuse to believe this city wanted a championship as bad as we did with this team. And again with the exception of the 1993 Phils, this is the only instance where I will be PROUD to wear a conference championship t-shirt acknowledging your accomplishments. I don’t give a fuck whether you were a #7 seed or a negative 20 seed….you gave it your best effort (except that last goal….i, i, what goal, i don’t know what you’re talking about?) We will never forget that.
The only thing I have to say to this team is this: keep your eyes on the FUCKING prize. The crowd, the parade, the Cup. Fraudulent or not, have you seen how this city all of a sudden rallied around you like you were the 1980 Olympic USA hockey team? There is a very logical reason you were so successful at home in the playoffs. However you want to quantify why you had the advantages you did, so be it. If you want to increase the chances of getting deeper in the playoffs you obviously know that it starts with more games at home, which ultimately means you need to take care of your shit during the regular season. You won’t be seeing too many 7-8 matchups in the Conference Finals FYI.
WE ARE PROUD OF YOU.
There is nothing at all wrong with finishing to a slightly more talented team. Afterall, Chicago is famous for many things: slaughtering the Chippewa Indians, being the forefather of American racial divide with the 1919 race riots where you drowned an African-American teenager on the South Side beach and set off the next 100 years of racism, and invented a”pizza” that tastes like fucking shit.
Vegas Likes Chicago
When the odds for game six opened on Monday, the Flyers were a -125 home favorite. This was a little shocking considering they have won seven straight home games in the playoffs and manhandled the Blackhawks in game four in Philly. A must win game, in front of arguably the best crown in the entire NHL, against a goalie who has not lost a game at home, and playing against a city that just publicly humiliated the best defensive player in the entire league. I’m not buying it.
So what are the odds today? Vegas basically has the game dead even at -110 and -105 in most places. So not only were the Flyers a slight favorite in the beginning, but the line movement is telling us that the smart money has been pouring in on Chicago. The only thing that could possibly make this happen is believing Chicago is a superior team after a relatively easy game for them in game five. Other than that….you got me.
Die Chicago
What the hell is this bullshit?
Chris Wronger?
It’s never good to have any player be a -5 for a game because, at a minimum, your team gave up five goals. It’s a fucking disaster when your best defenseman is a -5 in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup. It’s the worst plus-minus rating he’s ever had in a game. EVER. It’s hard to wrap your brain around how that could happen at such a pivotal moment. Here are couple reasons why it’s not all Pronger’s fault:
Goaltending: Michael Leighton, awful. Brian Boucher, awful. They had some flashes where they were getting some good saves, but it was mostly positioning not actual reaction (I’m sure someone who played goalie could tell me what percentage of being a good goalie is each trait…but positioning is only as good as the first shot). I think back to the early second period when the Blackhawks kept shooting into the mess in front of the Flyers net. Everything bounced out, but who knows off of what. Not even Boucher probably knows.
Matt Carle: Hot Carle was trying to be a hero and join the rush a little too much, even with the Flyers down 3 then 2 goals. It’s tough to gamble quite so much so early in the game because that next goal against is an absolute killer.
Chris Pronger: Perhaps Chris Pronger was Chris Pronger’s problem. He had a target on his back the whole night. He played old and worn down, like when he made a hit from Byfuglien look worse than it was by looking like a giraffe on skates. Maybe the 30 minutes of ice time a game was catching up with him, maybe not. The Blackhawks got energy from beating up on him and seemingly from scoring against him. They smelled blood.
Cute Passing: The Flyers tried to start their breakouts with cute passes out of the zone. Little touch passes and redirects. Rather than clear the zone, they wanted to recreate the OT winner…four guys tic-tac-toeing the puck up the ice for an easy goal. Guess what? Not on the road. Not on that shitty ice surface (seriously, what the fuck Chicago? Why is it 7 degrees warmer in your building?) And not against a team that forechecks like that. Stop dicking around and dump it in.
All that being said, I have some faith in this team recovering. It’s hard not to after all they’ve been through already. But they have to play smarter (looking at you Scott Hartnell, doing your best Dan Carcillo impression) and get back to physical play and shot blocking. It’s how they won games 3 and 4, and it’s how they’re going to win game 6.
Playing like Champions
And….the Flyers are back. Holy shit are we actually going to win this thing? This team is unreal right now.
In other news, Fox 29 is reporting that a shitload of Flyers fans are going to attack the Blackhawks team bus in Center City today. The thing that I don’t get is why Chicago is even still here. Shouldn’t they have flown back last night after we whipped their asses, dominated them for the third straight game, took back the entire momentum of the series, and once again shut down their top line? Just a thought.
Get Flyered Up
Sorry Lauren Hart. This is how it’s done.
Affairs of the Hartsy
So out of the blue in these playoffs Scott Hartnell has somehow learned how to play hockey at a high level again. Five goals, eight assists in 20 playoff games, and a seemingly unlimited energy source every time he is out there. Who knows why he decided to wait until the playoffs to wake up, but you won’t hear us complaining.
The guy totally dropped off the face of the planet this season. Scoring 30 goals last season, Hartnell only managed to score 14 this year. Since the 2003-04 season with Nashville, Hartnell’s goal output was 18, 25, 22, 24, 30….and then this season happened. His assists remained consistent with last year (30), but the guy was taking shit penalties the whole year and looked like he didn’t have a clue what was happening on the ice. Maybe he was just part of an underachieving team in general, but rumors of a divorce from his wife Lisa pretty much sealed the deal for me.
Lisa is pretty hot. She looks like she should be living in a cottage in the mountains of Belgium milking goats and sowing tablecloths out of unicorn hair. Maybe the allure of dating a professional athlete clouded her vision from seeing she was marrying Carrot Top minus the steroids and plastic surgery. Or maybe she started banging Jeff Carter (allegedly). Either way, it had to be quite a year for Scotty going from Lisa to rotten bar slags in Old City each night.
Giroux The Man
At this point I’m still not sure the Flyers won that game because it felt like they should have given up about three goals in OT alone. Jesus Christ. I don’t think I even enjoy watching these games at this point. Is this what playoff hockey is about because my internal organs feel like they went 12 rounds with an enraged Tonya Harding after every goddam game. No wonder every Canadian male between the ages of 13-71 is a pathetic alcoholic.
Chris Pronger on the ice for 32:07? Is that a typo? The guy is like the T-1000, except less of a pussy.
Hockey is a weird sport. It’s almost like if the Flyers can win game 4, the series is all of a sudden theirs to lose. And with the full growth of all of these playoff beards, who knew there were so many gingers in the NHL? It’s like an epidemic. Can someone please notify the Department of Homeland Security…we’re being invaded by fire hobbits.
Every Claude has a Silver Lining
So we’re still alive kids. The Flyers managed to find a way to win a game that had me more excited than Miley Cyrus in the Knicks’ locker room. It wasn’t always pretty. Michael Leighton still scares me sometimes, sort of like every other Flyers goalie since Hextall (the early years). Consistent puck pressure was harder to find than a Blackhawks fan in the crowd. And not stopping for a replay for 1:45 was about the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. Who made up that rule? BP?
Things to watch for in Game 4:
Orange You Going to Wear That? – You got a free t-shirt. You knew damn well that you we’re going to. Yet you wear some shade of orange that is more butternut squash and less orange. You look like a retard. Put on the damn free shirt so we look a little better on TV.
Just Like NKOTB, Danny is a Big Loser – I noticed this early in the 3rd. Lots of Leino. No Carcillo. Thank god. The whole team was hitting and flying around. We didn’t need a loose cannon with his pre-pubescent facial hair and utter lack of hockey IQ. Strike 1 was the BS charge call. Strike 2 was the hideous turnover. Coach, please leave him on the bench. Bring back JVR, or just keep double shifting players like Leino, Asham, Powe, etc.
Planet Fitness – This is around the time in the series that the Bruins started tiring from the pace the Flyers have been playing with. There were certainly signs of this becoming a factor for Chicago next game. You saw it in the weak change that led to Giroux’s goal. I think we’re going to see some more Friday. Thanks to Laviolette, this team is in superior shape. As of right now, the man is a fucking genius and I’d almost put him on the top of the Philly coaching list based on the Phillies’ slide.