City of Pain

And just like that…poof.  The Dodogers are out like the fat girl in dodgeball.

So all of you 10 out of 12 Sports Illustrated experts who predicted the Dodgers would beat the Phillies in the NLCS, die. Everyone who thought the Dodgers ‘experience’ would lift them above the Phils may want to check their credentials when making your predictions next postseason. Apparently they forgot the Phillies had experience of their own.

So now, bring on the Yankees. The team that last beat us in the 1950 World Series has another thing coming for them. This team has the ‘It’ factor and in the coming days will be preparing to dispose of your primadonna, overrated team. But for now, we will celebrate. We will give every Philadelphian hope where hope used to not exist. And we will prevail. Stay tuned.

Hit the showers Manny. Last one in is a rotten egg!

I can’t even muster up enough venom to hate Milwaukee. I honestly feel bad for anyone who lives in….Wisconsin? Is that where Milwaukee is located, Wisconsin? Shit, it might be in like Missouri or one of the Dakotas. Seriously where is Milwaukee? Please tell me it’s not in Canada….

Sabathia in game 2 and a possible game 5 huh? Yikes. Sounds like a must win today. Hopefully he’s been having oral sex with a couple of cheese steaks the last few days in the city. Every so called expert is calling for a Phillies win and I don’t like that, even though I agree here. I mean look, they didn’t show up last year. They remember what that felt like. This Phillies team reminds me a lot of the Sixers in the late 90s, the Flyers of the mid 90s, and the Eagles in 2001. Teams that were young, got themselves into the playoffs, had some early exits, but figured it out in the next year or two and advanced. The Sixers and Flyers are going through the same thing right now. The reason the Phillies knew they had to win 75% of their games at the end of this season is the exact same reason they know that just getting in this year is not nearly enough. The ‘let’s get in the playoffs and see how the chips fall’ mindset has been replaced by ‘let get to the World Series’. They know it. Everything else is failure.

Will the bats go cold like last year? Will Cole get some run support? Do the Brewers have anything resembling a bullpen? Can Myers get his dick out of his ass? They better win today, because facing Sabathia down 0-1 doesn’t look like a position I’d want to be in. It’s really scary when the last time the Phillies won a playoff game was when Curt Schilling shut down the Blue Jays 2-0 in Game 5 of the 1993 World Series. Please God, just get us a win today.

Time to put away your brown bags Phillies fans. The Mets are coming to town. Santana vs. Hamels tonight, and the city is buzzing. Ahhh, Johan Santana. The man who is going to propel the New York Mets back into the playoffs, and possibly to a World Series title. The man who has cured cancer patients with his own urine, and the man who will reverse the events of 9/11 by putting on his tights and cape, tucking (then scotch-taping) his genetalia under his own body to hide his manhood from the world’s children, and then flying in the reverse direction of the Earth’s motion so rapidly that time go backwards and lives are saved. He can do it all.

I’m not even sure whether the Phillies should even take the field tonight and face him. Why bother? He’s unbeatable. He doesn’t even throw balls, only strikes. He is only pulled from games because Willie Randolph wants to get other players involved. He throws pitches that aren’t even pitches. He throws….feelings.

We got him!  Bye bye Lito.

Mike Patterson, who by the looks of the picture above has been eating full human beings, was arrested for marijuana possession. Damm Mike, you need to lay off the food when you’re getting high dude. You look like shit man. Don’t you have your posse handle the weed transactions? Come on, you’re an NFL athlete, you can’t be driving around with that shit in your car dogg.