City of Pain

You know it’s one thing to use the word “gay” when you’re walking down the street with some friends, spot a puppy nibbling on a bone in the sunshine, cool breeze flowing over you and say “I feel so gay right now.” Maybe you’re playing frisbee in the park, picnic basket off to the side, barely legal teenagers prancing around in their bikinis off in the distance and you yell out to the heavens “This day is so gay and I can’t contain myself!”

Or maybe you’re a Chicago Blackhawk player who just won the team’s first Stanley Cup on the worst clinching goal in the history of sports, and instead of celebrating graciously in the showers with your lathered up, muscly teammates, you decide it would be cooler to call the opposing team’s least gay player “gay.” Wouldn’t karma be so much cooler if Chris Pronger walked into the locker room, dragged Patrick Kane by his cute, curly hair and pork plowed his anus with so much force his nose and mouth bled uncontrollably? Now THAT would be gay.  In a good way.

Here are a few pictures of what looks like Blackhawks fans partying with a solid 75 people in the streets of Chicago yesterday with some thing called the Stanley Cup. I say that because when reporters asked the fans in the streets if they were there to see the Cup, 80% of them looked at the reporter puzzled and said “nah, we’re just here for da brats guy, whatsa standley cup and wire all dees people in da streets?” It’s crazy to think that a good 50 of them probably had to call out sick from work just to go see this. What a sports city.

If this would have been in Philly, there would have been 100,000 wasted Italians in South Philly rioting for three straight days, surviving on a steady diet of beer and violence. The city of Chicago deserve this cup about as much as the Native Americans deserved murderous, greedy European settlers landing on the beaches of Plymouth.

Not sure any of us really want to watch this again, but it’s still pretty amazing how anti-climactic and ultimately soul crushing it really was. “Get the paddle down” is the new “wide right” or “laces out” for me right now. Of course, if Jeff Carter shoots that puck anywhere towards a corner, this never happened. Back with more on our mulleted vanquisher later.

City of Pain has long been known (and usually will be) for reporting and propogating despair and athlete hate. It’s in our blood, sorry. This website exists and was founded in 2007 because we needed a way to vocalize our anger. Like most things in life, it’s easier to focus on what isn’t working than what is.

This is one proverbial stitch in time that deserves our recognition.

Let me (and not the slouches at Philly.com who will continue to post us on their blogroll) be the first to say that the 2009-2010 Philadelphia Flyers will go down as one of the most important teams in the history of Philadelphia sports. The lessons of playing when it matters most and never giving up have frankly moved me more than I thought. Believing in the concept of destiny has never been what this city was about. We should have been the capital of the country (have fun with that DC) and were once the forefront of America in every sense of the word (good luck with that NYC, hope nothing ever bad happens to you…oh wait), but we’ve gotten over that. We have remained true to what we are, and that is a city which simply wants to fight and win. If you give us that (see Rocky I), we’ll love you forever, no matter what the result may be. Rarely we win, and often we lose.

There have been teams that have conjured up these same emotions. The 2001 Sixers, the 2005 Eagles, the 1987 Flyers, and the 1993 Phillies. Dates, names, seasons, it’s all the same bullshit. I often dream that any of these teams could have held a championship banner, but then I feel guilty depriving a seven year old Ivory Coast(ian?) boy of his 1997 Flyers Stanley Cup Championship t-shirt and the tears start falling. Those teams just couldn’t get the job done, and unfortunately, always as the underdogs. In a way these teams hold as much, if not more, mysticism than the championship teams. There is something about wondering what could have been that makes what wasn’t, more attractive.

I’d like to be the first person to welcome this season’s Flyers to the pantheon of teams that will never die in our blackened, bitter hearts. Honestly. With the exception of the 1993 Phils, I refuse to believe this city wanted a championship as bad as we did with this team. And again with the exception of the 1993 Phils, this is the only instance where I will be PROUD to wear a conference championship t-shirt acknowledging your accomplishments. I don’t give a fuck whether you were a #7 seed or a negative 20 seed….you gave it your best effort (except that last goal….i, i, what goal, i don’t know what you’re talking about?) We will never forget that.

The only thing I have to say to this team is this: keep your eyes on the FUCKING prize. The crowd, the parade, the Cup. Fraudulent or not, have you seen how this city all of a sudden rallied around you like you were the 1980 Olympic USA hockey team? There is a very logical reason you were so successful at home in the playoffs. However you want to quantify why you had the advantages you did, so be it. If you want to increase the chances of getting deeper in the playoffs you obviously know that it starts with more games at home, which ultimately means you need to take care of your shit during the regular season. You won’t be seeing too many 7-8 matchups in the Conference Finals FYI.

WE ARE PROUD OF YOU.

There is nothing at all wrong with finishing to a slightly more talented team. Afterall, Chicago is famous for many things: slaughtering the Chippewa Indians, being the forefather of American racial divide with the 1919 race riots where you drowned an African-American teenager on the South Side beach and set off the next 100 years of racism, and invented a”pizza” that tastes like fucking shit.

When the odds for game six opened on Monday, the Flyers were a -125 home favorite. This was a little shocking considering they have won seven straight home games in the playoffs and manhandled the Blackhawks in game four in Philly. A must win game, in front of arguably the best crown in the entire NHL, against a goalie who has not lost a game at home, and playing against a city that just publicly humiliated the best defensive player in the entire league.  I’m not buying it.

So what are the odds today? Vegas basically has the game dead even at -110 and -105 in most places. So not only were the Flyers a slight favorite in the beginning, but the line movement is telling us that the smart money has been pouring in on Chicago. The only thing that could possibly make this happen is believing Chicago is a superior team after a relatively easy game for them in game five. Other than that….you got me.