City of Pain

World Champions!!! Every couple of days we’re going to be putting up some pictures of this championship, mainly to forget the bullshit that the Eagles have been defacating on us recently. The Phillies were just a group of guys who wanted to win every goddam night. It’s pretty simple. You’ve got guys that hustle, that get angry, and get excited. Guys like Shane Victorino, who always seemed to come up big when they needed him the most, carried this team. Whether it was throwing out the runner at home in Atlanta, preserving Lidge’s perfect season, hitting the grand slam off Sabathia in Game 2 of the NLDS, tying Game 4 of the NLCS they had no business winning with a two run homer, or just busting his balls every game in the field and on the basepaths. Shane Victorino, you are now a Phillies legend.

On a side note, check out the pic below. That is NBC 10′s local anchor Jade McCarthy having her pre-coitus champagne bath from the Phillies team members.  Allegedly.  Hey Jade, rule of thumb here: when you are blond, have breasts and a vagina, enjoy the company of athletes, enjoy the companty of multiple athletes, enjoy the company of multiple athletes fondling you in a hot tub with your Leggs panty hose wrapped around your throat and a ball gag in your mouth, enjoy laughing through your worthless tears, and enjoy the taste of your own blood/mascara cocktail, then feel free to enter the Phillies locker room during a World Series celebration. If not, RUN.

The Flyers have finally done the right thing concerning their alternate jerseys. They went back to the championship days. Name plate, electric orange, and a larger logo. Awesome. This is what they will be wearing this season as their alternate jerseys and they should be commended for it. A work of art really. I’m almost speechless actually.

Not that I mind the alternate jersey they’ve been using off and on for he past 5 years, but this new look is in a whole other realm.

So this begs the question: since retro is so fucking cool, why haven’t the other teams decided to do it? I keep seeing the new Elton Brand ads where he’s wearing the early 80s Sixers unis, but it’s not their main jersey. Even when they had his first press conference he held up this same jersey for the cameras.

What about this Sixers jersey? This is the greatest of all time. Why not wear this shit? Even I’d buy one fully knowing that only wiggers wear basketball jerseys.

And why aren’t Eagles using a cool retro like the ones they wore in the early 1980s? Or even the Reggie White era kelly greens, silver pants, with black shoes? Can I please work for the Eagles marketing department and tell them how to make some money. It’s simple.

The Bengals. The goddam Bengals. You couldn’t even beat a 1-8 Bengals team who has a quarterback that doesn’t deserve to play for a Pop Warner team. The bitterness that is Philadelphia sports reared its ugly head yesterday while I was watching the worst game in the history of the NFL. It was a moment that so many of us experience quite often considering all of the dog shit teams we’ve had to endure over the past 25 years. Yesterday though, was the absolute bottom of the barrel. And I found myself wanting them to lose because somehow I thought it would make me feel better about hating them. I don’t think even Sigmund Freud could explain what goes through Eagles fans’ tormented minds during afternoons like this. I could have been watching videos of those people jumping out of the burning World Trade Center and felt better about life. I don’t even know where to begin because it’s that disgraceful. And we all thought last week was bad? Not even close. Last week was a cute fart that a baby makes. This week was a 20 pound avalanche of blood diarrhea that an elephant unleashes on a hot July afternoon.

I’ve watched a lot of commentary and listened to the talk shows about this game. I wanted to get some stats before I went any further. So thanks to Ray Didinger, NBC’s local Sunday Night show, and WIP’s morning show for enlightening me in many areas. It’s important that before I go on, I tell you the following:

1. Going into the game yesterday, the Bengals had the 25th ranked rushing defense in the NFL.

2. In 18 possessions (and in 5 full quarters), the eagles ran the ball 15 times to their running backs. That’s 76 plays in total, with 15 runs. On a windy day in Cincinnati, and against one of the worst rushing defenses in football, the Eagles ran the ball 20% of the time.

3. Of the 18 third downs the Eagles offense faced, they converted three of those opportunities for a 17% success rate. Of those 18 plays, the Eagles passed the ball SEVENTEEN times, and were sacked in the other play. So no matter how many yards they needed on third down, Andy Reid decided to throw the ball every single time. On a windy day. And against the 25th ranked rushing defense in the NFL.

4. Fully knowing that in order to make the playoffs, his team would most likely have to win nine games minimum (more likely 10 wins) to jump either Dallas or Washington, Andy Reid decided to play for the tie instead of going for the win. Apparently in his mind, a tie is better than a loss. And apparently in my mind Andy, you’re a fucking idiot.

First things first here. If you need a win and you’re playing the Bengals, you go for it. You’re probably not going to get a better shot than that. It shouldn’t even be a question. Secondly, during post game interviews the Bengals said they knew what plays the Eagles were going to run. Sound familiar? Umm, is Andy Reid selling his weekly playbook on eBay or maybe, JUST MAYBE, teams have finally figured him out? Tough call there. Andy, when the other teams know what plays you’re going to run, it makes it difficult to win most weeks.

Finally, let’s talk about the 400 pound ginger football coach in the room. Players not knowing the rules of overtime, and that a game can end in a tie, might be the most mind-boggling, disgraceful, pathetic, disgusting, asinine, and ridiculous thing I have ever seen or heard in all my years following sports. I knew this rule when I was EIGHT YEARS OLD. When the referee flips the coin at the beginning of overtime, he cleary says the rules. LJ Smith wake up douche tits! You were standing right next to the ref when he said the game would end in a tie at the end of the 15 minute period. It was only fitting that the Bengals missed the field goal and made this game a tie. It would have made things so much easier in the long run had they just won. Looking back on it, I should have known something was up when Mike Patterson was going ballistic after the Bengals missed the game winning field goal in overtime. Uh, cool Mike, you’re going to tie now. I mean I could MAYBE understand if you’ve been in the league 1-2 years and you don’t know, but if your a 4+ year veteran of this league who’s played in multiple overtime games (both in the regular season and the playoffs) and you don’t know the rules? I almost feel like you don’t deserve your job. A total fucking disgrace.

And McChoke…..where to even begin with him. It’s 100% apparent that he’s gone after the season, if not before. You can write that down and I’ll sign it with my own blood. He used to not be able to stay healthy. Now, he just sucks. Three interceptions yesterday could have easily been six, yet fortunately for McChuckles the Bengals defenders caught the balls as well as the Eagles receivers did. His passes suck, his decision-making sucks, and his brain sucks. We all knew he scored a beyond laughable 12 on the Wunderlick test, but what he said in the post game press conference yesterday proved he may actually be more more stupid than Vince Young, Shawn Kemp, and those black people who though they saw a leprechaun, combined.

For those of you who missed it, here’s what McBarf said (from Philly.com’s Rich Hoffman):

“”No, I didn’t know that,” McNabb said at his post game press conference. The 10-year veteran said he was not aware that one overtime is all you get in the NFL in the regular season until the final play of that overtime, when the Eagles tried an unsuccessful Hail Mary pass. He said, “When the play was called, I kind of figured, ‘I guess there’s ties in the NFL.’

“He said, “I’ve never been a part of a tie. I never even knew that was in the rule book. It’s part of the rules and we have to go with it. I was looking forward to the next opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game.”

Then McNabb compounded his error by not knowing the postseason overtime rule. Those games do play to a conclusion for obvious reasons, but McNabb said, “I hate to see what happens in the Super Bowl or I hate to see what happens in the playoffs. You have to settle with a tie.”"

The guy doesn’t even know the rules for the playoffs and Super Bowl. He’s got to be kidding me here. I’m speechless. Also please consider the fact that all of these morons who thought the game would go on until somebody scored could have played the game differently had they known their time was running out. How could you not? I need an explanation.

It’s over everyone. Over. There is no salvaging any of this.

Couple a knee-jerk reaction city with inconsistent performance out of it’s football team and you’re bound to feel a few tremors every couple of Monday mornings. 95% of the fans are level headed enough to see through ridiculous claims made by the other 5% and stay mildly optimistic. Well, I’m here to say this morning that I am 100% officially turning a new leaf and calling for people’s heads. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. Any Eagle fan who doesn’t see this is living a fucking lie. I’m tired of the poor game management, the obvious inability to make half-time adjustments, the disgraceful wastes of challenges and time outs, and a team that is incapable of winning a close game. I’m sorry, but enough is enough.

At this point, anyone who does not see a major problem with the Eagles organization must be fucking crazy. No one is saying they suck, and no one is saying they are the worst team in the NFC. What they are is a team that has become average and stale, and the last time I checked, fans don’t accept average teams. Fans also don’t accept the same mistakes being repeated over and over each week without any explanation from the coach. Translation: When bad shit happens, we want explanations as to why they happened and a game plan to ensure they don’t happen anymore. It’s pretty simple actually, yet the Eagles haven’t seemed to figure this out, and it’s time to move on. Please, for us fans who actually care, remove yourself Andy. You’re not cutting it anymore and the improvement is just not there at this point. You’re getting beat by teams that are better prepared, and that’s when you know it’s over.

The Eagles are 1-10 in their last 11 games decided by seven points or less. Think about that. How can a coach possibly retain his job with a record like that? How can you possibly reward a coach who doesn’t have a fullback going into the season, and then get absolutely exposed for it in almost every game? How can you remain faithful to a guy who can’t win a divisional game anymore? Why is it acceptable to have one of the best running backs in football and still throw the ball 65% of the time? I don’t get any of this. Football is about balance Andy, and the game is passing you by. You are getting beat by a team like the NY Giants who run the ball down your throat all night (having a wide receiver in Plaxico who is far and away better than anything you have by the way) and then beat you with the pass because they have you on your toes trying to stop the run. You’re getting beat by teams that don’t waste challenges, and ultimately precious timeouts, like you do. I’d like to personally challenge the fact that you are our coach. Why does everyone but you realize our best receiver is a rookie who can stretch the field, yet you never send him deep. How’d that work against Dallas when he was 4 steps beyond the defender? How can you get a delay of game penalty inside the ten yard line needing to score in the 4th quarter? You throw the ball all goddam game, and then when you have a 3rd and short for the game, you run twice. I mean Jesus Christ Andy.

Try fucking up at your job and telling your boss that you ‘need to do a better job with things” every day. How would that go over? I mean this is a joke. On the NBC post game show, Tiki Barber, WHO DOESN’T EVEN PLAY FOOTBALL ANYMORE, knew what the Eagles were going to run on 4th down. It’s a disgrace and I’m fucking embarrassed that America watched my team perform like that. It was like getting kicked in the balls by some neo-Nazi with steel-toed Doc Martins.