city of pain

1. Is it time for a small amount of panic considering the Cubs are basically lifting their skirts, grabbing their ankles, and letting the Mets invade their bird’s nest by resting their starters?

Answer: Not at all. That panic would begin if the Phils lose tonight. And considering how bad tonight’s Braves starter, Jo-Jo Reyes, is (3-11, 5.74 ERA) I don’t see the Phillies losing tonight. There is zero chance. How bad is Jo-Jo? Think Adam Eaton, except with a sombrero on his head and pushing a lawnmower. The Braves have lost TWELVE straight games that he has started. In only one of those games has he gone a full seven innings, and in four of those games he never reached the FOURTH inning. Saying this guy is fucking terrible is an understatement. He was so bad that the Braves threw him into minors before being forced to call him back up in August. Bet your entire life savings on the Phillies tonight. Seriously.

2. Was Uncle Charlie taking a monster dump during the 7th inning last night?

Answer: I hope so, because the fact that he took the bunt off when Victorino got to 2-0 and Burrell was on second with no outs may have been the worst managing decision in the history of modern baseball. This is not even armchair quarterbacking. Look, I know Burrell would lose a foot race against a hog-tied, blindfolded (wait…?) Helen Keller, but you’re down a fucking run and you need to get him to third. And even worse? Burrell runs on contact to a ball hit to the SHORTSTOP, and gets caught in a run down. This is baseball 101, Pat, and I know you went to the University of Miami, but you cannot run on a ball hit there. Why did you do that?

3. What is going to happen from now until Sunday?

Answer: The Phillies are going to win tonight and maintain a 1.5 game lead over the Mets, who will also win tonight. The Mets will shrink that lead to one game tomorrow when they beat the lifeless Cubs again (although I reserve the right to take all of this back if the Mets bullpen comes into any of these games before the 7th inning). Then a weekend series against the Nats for the Phillies (who will miss Tim Redding thank god) in which the Fightins take two, while the Mets lose two of three to the Marlins. It’s just that easy. Phils win the division by two games.

So what happens to the Mets? This gets interesting. The Mets have five games left, and will undoubtedly need to go at least 3-2 to have a shot at making the playoffs. The Brewers, who are one game back of the Mets, also have five games left, except Milwaukee plays the Pirates two more times and then take on the Cubs (who aren’t trying). The scary thing if I’m a Mets fan is:

a) The Brewers are 12-1 vs. the Pirates this year, have Sabathia going tonight, and face a 5-14 pitcher tomorrow. Two wins right there.

b) The Marlins are already talking shit about beating the Mets this weekend and ruining their season like they did last year, while the Brewers play a Cubs team that won’t kill themselves trying to get wins this weekend (especially on the road).

Another big problem for the Mets is the fact that Johan Santana is scheduled to pitch the final game on Sunday. If that game becomes a must win for the Mets, they aren’t getting him for a potential game 1 of a playoff series. God it’s scary to be a Mets fan right now, but the funny thing is that I hope they make the playoffs so the Phils won’t have to face CC Sabathia twice in a best-of-five game series.

I love watching New York rot. Enjoy your final weekend ever in Shea Stadium all you douche tit fans.