City of Pain

No one said gambling couldn’t have some zest to it. It’s gonna be a good year for football picks around here. College, NFL, shit even high school if I can get some lines.  There are a lot of great games to play this weekend. I can’t wait to lock them all in my sportsbetting.com account, grab some beers, hate people, and win money. Nothing says LOCKS like hot pink.

Louisville (-4) over Uconn – I’ll take the home team, at night, on national TV, against a team they are just as good as.

Syracuse (+15.5) over Pitt - Simply because Pitt is not 15.5 points better than anyone. Even Syracuse.

Clemson (-11.5) over Maryland – Clemson hasn’t played a complete game yet. At some point this season they will have a monster win. My guess is that it happens in this spot. This lines looks a little inflated after Maryland beat Cal…..did anyone realize that Cal was playing at 9am their time that day?

Purdue (-1) over Notre Dame – When this line opened, Notre Dame was a two point favorite. Now they are a one point home underdog.  Joe Tiller’s last season, Notre Dame with an inflated line (which the public apparently devoured), and you have yourself a nice win.

Navy (+16) over Wake Forest – This game just has that feel to it. Wake with the look-ahead to Clemson next week causes them to play down to Navy’s level. Ball control here. Take the points.

Illinois (+16) over Penn State – Am I the only asshole in America who thinks Illinois gives Penn State a good game? I know it’s a night game, a “white-out”, and all that, but Illinois is not a bad team. Penn State has played four nobodys, and especially no team with a Juice Williams on it. I don’t know, call me crazy here but this line seems high to me……we don’t know enough about Penn State just yet.

Bills (-8) over Rams – Because if you don’t bet against the Rams every week you’re theoretically losing money.

Redskins (+11.5) over Cowboys – Way too many points in a rivalry game. The Cowboys are a good team, but they aren’t going to win by double digits every week. This is the NFL.  Redskins play well in Dallas.

Does it get any worse? Jesus Christ.

I can’t write enough about the Mets. They are an absolute train wreck. You couldn’t script these games any better. Where do you even start? Two nights ago, a man on third with no outs, bottom of the 9th in a tie game, and you can’t score? How about man on third with no outs in the 7th AND 8th innings as well, and all you can muster is a bases loaded walk. Pathetic!  Just a guess here, but something tells me the usual team gangbang in the Mets shower wasn’t quite as lively after that one. There’s no way Jose Reyes did his usual post-coital La Bamba pee-pee dance with his other Latin teammates. He was too upset. Seriously. And who cares if they won last night. The best part was that when they pulled Pedro with two men on, the first pitch the reliever threw was a three run homer. Magical.

The Phils have dodged some massive bullets recently. They’ve looked pathetic in the process too. But not as bad as the Mets. And if I’m a Mets fan, I don’t like the following quote from Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez about their season ending series in New York this weekend, “I fully intend to play my starters this weekend for the integrity of the game”. Also from the Miami Herald, “Last season, the Marlins knocked the Mets out of the playoff picture on the final weekend of the regular season, and there already is talk among players that they would love nothing more than to spoil the Mets’ season again. There even is an outside chance that pitcher Josh Johnson, who started and won Wednesday for the Marlins, could be used in late-inning relief Sunday if that game carries playoff significance.” Ouch.

But like everything we do here on City of Pain, we must call it like we see it. We want the Mets to make the playoffs, without question. Not just for the possible, yet unlikely, scenario in which we could meet them in the NLCS, but simply because the Phillies want zero part of CC Sabathia TWICE in a best of five game series. Go Mets?

I had my doubts about Desean Jackson. Honestly. But they are gone and I’d be shocked if he wasn’t the Eagles’ leading receiver and the NFL Rookie of the Year at the end of the year. He already has more catches and yards than anyone on the team and is 8th in the NFL in receiving yards. This is not a knee-jerk reaction. He’s the type of player who is not only going to be really good someday, but maybe become a bona-fide superstar. You usually know early on when a player is going to be a star, and I can’t help myself but think his performance so far says anything but that. He’s faster than anyone else. He has great hands. He has a second step that is faster than most players’ first step. He’s cocky.

Most rookie wide receivers don’t see the playing field for the Eagles until at least year 2. Sure, if Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis were available there is a good chance we’d see a little less of Desean right now, but we’d also see less of Greg Lewis and maybe Hank Baskett. His electricity returning punts would guarantee him more playing time and you probably wouldn’t be able to keep him on the sidelines for long anyway.

Just for the very premature hell of it, the NFL’s rookie receiving records are:

Most Yards Receiving in Rookie Season – 1,473, Bill Groman 1960
Most Touchdowns in Rookie Season - 17, Randy Moss 1998
Most Yards Gained, Total, in Rookie Season - 2,317, Tim Brown 1988

How many yards is this guy going to finish with?

1. Is it time for a small amount of panic considering the Cubs are basically lifting their skirts, grabbing their ankles, and letting the Mets invade their bird’s nest by resting their starters?

Answer: Not at all. That panic would begin if the Phils lose tonight. And considering how bad tonight’s Braves starter, Jo-Jo Reyes, is (3-11, 5.74 ERA) I don’t see the Phillies losing tonight. There is zero chance. How bad is Jo-Jo? Think Adam Eaton, except with a sombrero on his head and pushing a lawnmower. The Braves have lost TWELVE straight games that he has started. In only one of those games has he gone a full seven innings, and in four of those games he never reached the FOURTH inning. Saying this guy is fucking terrible is an understatement. He was so bad that the Braves threw him into minors before being forced to call him back up in August. Bet your entire life savings on the Phillies tonight. Seriously.

2. Was Uncle Charlie taking a monster dump during the 7th inning last night?

Answer: I hope so, because the fact that he took the bunt off when Victorino got to 2-0 and Burrell was on second with no outs may have been the worst managing decision in the history of modern baseball. This is not even armchair quarterbacking. Look, I know Burrell would lose a foot race against a hog-tied, blindfolded (wait…?) Helen Keller, but you’re down a fucking run and you need to get him to third. And even worse? Burrell runs on contact to a ball hit to the SHORTSTOP, and gets caught in a run down. This is baseball 101, Pat, and I know you went to the University of Miami, but you cannot run on a ball hit there. Why did you do that?

3. What is going to happen from now until Sunday?

Answer: The Phillies are going to win tonight and maintain a 1.5 game lead over the Mets, who will also win tonight. The Mets will shrink that lead to one game tomorrow when they beat the lifeless Cubs again (although I reserve the right to take all of this back if the Mets bullpen comes into any of these games before the 7th inning). Then a weekend series against the Nats for the Phillies (who will miss Tim Redding thank god) in which the Fightins take two, while the Mets lose two of three to the Marlins. It’s just that easy. Phils win the division by two games.

So what happens to the Mets? This gets interesting. The Mets have five games left, and will undoubtedly need to go at least 3-2 to have a shot at making the playoffs. The Brewers, who are one game back of the Mets, also have five games left, except Milwaukee plays the Pirates two more times and then take on the Cubs (who aren’t trying). The scary thing if I’m a Mets fan is:

a) The Brewers are 12-1 vs. the Pirates this year, have Sabathia going tonight, and face a 5-14 pitcher tomorrow. Two wins right there.

b) The Marlins are already talking shit about beating the Mets this weekend and ruining their season like they did last year, while the Brewers play a Cubs team that won’t kill themselves trying to get wins this weekend (especially on the road).

Another big problem for the Mets is the fact that Johan Santana is scheduled to pitch the final game on Sunday. If that game becomes a must win for the Mets, they aren’t getting him for a potential game 1 of a playoff series. God it’s scary to be a Mets fan right now, but the funny thing is that I hope they make the playoffs so the Phils won’t have to face CC Sabathia twice in a best-of-five game series.

I love watching New York rot. Enjoy your final weekend ever in Shea Stadium all you douche tit fans.