City of Pain

Just a guess here, but maybe the reason this guy isn’t in training camp is because he has spent the entire off season gorging himself on fried foods, soda, pizza, or humans. Only in Philly do we draft a guy who immediately turns out to be a Pro Bowler and then three years later the guy falls into a deep depression and doesn’t want to play football anymore.  Nothing says ‘star athlete’ like a food orgy and missed training camp. Come on, depression?  Hey Shawn, you want to know what depression is?  Depression is your fat ass missing training camp, eventually coming back and being out of shape to start the season, and then you fucking up our chances to be decent this year because you couldn’t keep your fat fingers out of that bag of Doritos. This is bullshit. If I have to see Max Jean-Giles or Winston Justice starting the season because of you, people will start dying. One by one, people will die. 

Not to intentionally keep the sexual orientation theme going today but…..My guess as to what is going on here? This whale found out he was gay. No seriously. And by ‘found out’ I mean he saw pictures of penises and liked them. A lot. And really, statistically speaking there are probably a handful of guys on each roster who play for the pink team. He goes into a depression about these feelings, goes ballistic with the food, gets fat, realizes he will have a heart attack on the first day of training camp if he works out in the blazing sun, and decides he doesn’t want to play football anymore. It’s a shame he wasn’t drafted by the Giants because then he’d be able to feel comfortable around other gay teammates.

The Mets got swept this weekend by a disgusting Houston team that began the weekend 7 games under .500. Yes, the same shitty Houston Astros that play in Houston. Yes, the same Houston Astros that gave up on Brad Lidge. Please read that again. Then laugh. The cloud of sadness that currently hovers from Queens and all surrounding areas is looking a little thick this morning. It’s bad enough that most Mets fans have to endure being called “gay”, “homo”, or “shit pusher” by every Yankee fan in their office….but after this weekend in Houston, even the most die-hard Mets fan was unable to muster up the strength and energy to finish off his boyfriend Sunday night. Poor Mets fans. It’s gotta be tough watching your team go 18-8 in July, taking over first place while the Phillies take a nose-dive, and then find yourself three games back on August 4th. Now with Maine on the DL, Pedro enduring his 6th injury of the year, and the team unable to consistently get Johan Santana some runs, it’s gotta be panic time. And Mike Piazza is still gay by the way.