City of Pain

so the phillies traded a minor leaguer (hopefully no one that good) for matt stairs. could this pudgy slugger be this team’s pete incavigila? or will he just be a healthy version of geoff jenkins?

either way, i love it that pat gillick is making all the right moves to solidify our world series chances. or not.

Pedro Martinez was 47-0 in his career when up by 7+ runs. Oops. Yea, so much for that record. The way in which the Phils came back and won that game last night really can’t be put into words. Words would not do it justice. In fact, it’s even better to hear the words of the loser Mets fans from their own pathetic mouths. Check out this link.

Watch the Mets fans start to panic around page 21. Skip ahead to page 34 and laugh as you feel the terror consuming them. Page 42 is pure ecstasy as the Fightins tie it up and Mets fans across the country start flushing their brainless heads down their toilets. Finally, mass suicides begin on page  61 when the Mets bullpen takes the final bullet. I could read this shit all day.

Let me just say a few things here. First off, it’s just one game. The Phils have to go against Santana tonight and could very easily lose it. But you have to wonder what this game will mean at the end of the season. This is going to be ‘that’ game we’ll look back on and say turned the season around. You just know it. And when you think about it, the Mets bullpen is so bad that they can’t possibly make the playoffs with that slop they throw out there night after night.

Also, I love seeing this Roid head Fernando Tatis do his La Bamba dance before he hits home plate after a home run. Can somebody test this guy? There is no way he comes up clean. Watching him and Reyes do their gay salsa mating ritual in the dugout makes me want to shoot myself. If the Phils don’t put a ball in Tatis’ neck tonight, Uncle Charlie should be fired before he has a chance to reach the post-game press conference. The Mets are so gay, I love laughing at them when they lose. The only player I don’t passionately hate is David Wright, but at the same time I can’t make myself accept a guy that takes it up the ass.

Third, can someone please tell me why Harold Reynolds still has a job? Did anyone read what that clown said on the New York Sports Channel after the game? In reference to Brett Myers basically standing at the plate hoping for a walk with the bases loaded, he called the move “bush league” for not swinging. Umm what? What do you want him to do buddy, swing at a pitch and get a force out at home and possibly more? Get this guy out of my life. Funny stuff coming from a guy who was fired from ESPN for sexual harassment.

Please go out and shell Santana tonight. It would be unbelievable.

It’s only a two game series, but it sure feels like a big one. Gotta take two here guys. After this homestand you go on an 11 game road trip and it doesn’t start out easily, with the next series in Chicago for four games. Plus, I think it’s time to show the Mets the door. Bye bye, have a great rest of the year looking up at us. The world will be a better place without you guys in the playoffs. I’m actually mildly upset that Billy Wagner isn’t on the active roster for this series. I can just see Phillies fans celebrating after yet another blown save by Wagner, standing over top of a poor New Jersian on the parking lot floor, repeatedly saying Wagner’s name with each kick to the face. “Bill”-”Lee”-”Wag”-”NER”. Then he dies.

listen jimmy. i love you man. really i do. you’ve got a little too much willie mays-hayes in you (especially after hitting 30 homers) but you’ll still the catalyst for this phillies team.

that being said, what the fuck is wrong with you? you’re 4 for 46 after sunday night’s game. oh, and that number conveniently starts right after you called us all front runners for booing shitty performances, even if they were the day, month or year before. are you trying to prove that being booed makes a baseball player press? or is it that you’re pressing anyway, like you have been all season, and that this has been a particularly brutal stretch?

i hope all of your endorsements dry up. i hope no one calls when you come to la. i hope you cut down on your “business” staff and focus less on your record label and more on hitting a baseball where no one is standing (fans included slugger). we need you. the team needs you. the city needs you. hell, you need you. because we have two people on this team better suited to the top of the lineup (victorino and wearth) because they can actually GET ON BASE.

grow up jimmy.

It’s only fitting that we lose our “number one” receiver for at least 6-8 weeks before the season even starts. Awesome. I expect nothing less to be perfectly honest. Happy start to the season Eagles fans. The saddest thing is that we consider Kevin Curtis to be our #1.

Eagles, it’s time to pull the trigger and go out and get the weapon that McNabb wants and so desparately needs. Someone who is out in Arizona, begging (ok, bitching) to be traded, and someone who is an absolute bull cock monster. You can’t predict how long Curtis will be sidelined so do what you have to do to remain a force in the NFC.

GET ANQUAN BOLDIN YOU MORONS AND GET HIM NOW

I don’t care if it costs us Lito and a first or a second. Just fucking do it. Lito can’t stay on the field for a full season anyway. Look, if you go into the season thinking Brown, Avant, and Baskett are the answer, then you might as well just drop a nuclear bomb on the city of Philadelphia. Don’t do this to us. It’s time to take the chance like you did in 2004 when you got Kearse & T.O., and go for it. Go for it now. Boldin is worth it, without question.