City of Pain

wow. pat gillick continues to make inspiring pickups off the waiver wasteland. today’s find is tim lahey, a rather large right handed pitcher who seems to have an interesting take on effectively wild (note his 56:33 and 56:27 K:BB ratios at A and AA…not good). it looks like he got shelled in two appearances in AAA last year, so that makes him a perfect candidate for the 11th man in the phillies bullpen. i’m pulling for the guy, but i hope he stays closer to the chickie and pete’s crab fries stand than the mound.

Or do they? Vegas sure doesn’t think so looking at the twelve point spread. I almost want to take Nova just because it’s so many points but then i think about Kansas ramming the ball down Nova’s throat all night and I get scared. It’s crazy….I really feel like the only way Nova wins this game is if they shoot 70% from the floor all night. Either that or Kansas needs to completely shit the bed. Or both. The scary thing about this game is that if Nova can pull the upset, who knows how far they can go. I don’t fear Wisconsin or Davidson, and who knows if they’d face a familiar Louisville team in the Final Four. OH MY GOD NOVA IS WINNING IT ALL.

Tonight’s City of Pain LOCKS. Feel free to bet a lot of money on these games because we know what we’re talking about. No really.

Wisconsin -4.5, Texas -2, Villanova/Kansas Over 144

This just in:  The Sixers continue to sodomize weaker opponents.  Andre Iguodala continues to throw down massive tomahawk dunks that are so ignorant they make Dick Vermeil cry.  Lou “Snake Eyes” Williams and Thaddeus “Fudge Python” Young seem to have no ceiling in terms of ability.  Andre Miller may talk like Michael Jackson but he can dish out assists easier than a 12 year old girl can gain access to a Mark Chumura Hannah Montana themed birthday sleepover.  Anybody seen my pajamas?  And why is there a hole cut out of the back of them?

It’s gotten to the point where you look at the schedule and you see the Sixers beating 85% of the teams coming up.  Phoenix?  Win.  New Jersey?  Win.  Cleveland?  Another win.  At this point the only things that can stop the Sixers are a terrorist attack on the hotel they’re staying in, a team wide STD outbreak (most likely stemming from a Reggie Evans Popsicle party), SARS, and of course Chuck Norris. 

Who wants to play these guys right now?  Step on up.

For the majority of the game last night the Flyers skated around the rink with the vitality of Laci Peterson. Not hustling, not winning the 50/50 battles, and generally not caring. I’m not sure what happened during the second intermission, maybe John Stevens played “Blood, Sweat, and Cheers: The Story of the 1986-87 Philadelphia Flyers” for a couple of minutes to get the guys pumped (or maybe he played a clip of Anal Island 4 to show the boys what the rest of the world had just witnessed the previous two periods), but regardless, the team responded in dramatic fashion, winning the game and putting themselves closer to a playoff spot. Mike Richards is God. No, seriously. And let’s all give Daniel Briere his credit. The guy is playing like a fucking animal.

Five games left, four points up on the #8 seed (and three points out of the #4 seed), the Flyers are close. The dream scenario has them sneaking into the #6 seed and playing Carolina while the rest of the conference rapes each other. The nightmare scenario shows two games left against the Devils and Penguins each, the Flyers losing all of them, and either missing the playoffs or getting powerblasted by Montreal in the first round. Five games left, the Flyers need at least five points to stay out of the #8 seed. Can we please win one at New Jersey? Doing that may give the team all the confidence they still need.

The Philadelphia 76ers are playing like someone cut off one of their tits, and they’re pissed. We’ve gotten to the point where Andre Iguodala looks like an All-Star almost every night, Andre Miller looks like the best point guard in the league, Sam Dalembert looks like one of the best defensive players all year, and Thaddeus Young is turning out to be an unbelievably great draft pick. Basically we may be looking at a team that could cause some serious problems to any team named Detroit or Boston in the playoffs, and straight up beat any other team. Thank you Billy King. Seriously.

And to top it all off, we just beat the best team in the NBA. Fuck you Boston! Assholes and asshole fans! You deserve nothing less you pieces of shit.