I miss The Vet. Bad.
I miss everything about it…..the noise, the awful smell, the cold weather that never mattered, the violence, the hatred, and of course the home field advantage it often created. The Vet is sort of like a psychotic ex-girlfriend you loved to hate, but still can’t seem to let go of. You always wondered what would have happened had you kept her around, maybe tried to change her a little, clean her up some….but those days are long gone. Now you’re dating someone new, she seems top notch, has a good job, a college education, no STDs, the whole package…yet something is missing. The new girl (or guy for all of our female and male homosexual readers) just doesn’t have that craziness and unpredictability that you often miss. There was always something about those nights when the old girlfriend would come home wasted, vomiting blood everywhere, cutting herself while laughing/crying hysterically, defecating in empty pizza boxes, dancing around the apartment like someone (not you of course) lit her on fire, lying, punching you in the face, only to wake up the next morning like nothing had happened and make a great omelet. You loved the insanity and danger, admit it. Well, that is what the Vet feels like to me. The old bi-polar girlfriend.
I am completely convinced that the Eagles would have won a Super Bowl and the NFC Championship Game against the Panthers had the game been played in the Vet. There was no way they would have lost two straight championship games there. he loss to Tampa Bay in 2003 was the single most painful Eagles loss in my life. It was worse than the Super Bowl loss to the Patriots. The Eagles were underdogs in the Patriots game, but we all know they would have whipped the shit out of the Raiders they year Tampa won it all. That Tampa loss still haunts me, especially since it was at home, it was the last game at the Vet, and everything seemed so perfectly set up for us. If the Curse of Billy Penn ever existed, it reared its ugly head that day.
The Linc was built for obvious reasons. There’s no need to get into the financial aspects of it. It brings in more money to the organization, the city, and it offers the fans a chance to not have to simultaneously take a piss in a urinal being shared by another man. I get it. The problem with the place is that it is too….nice? I can’t get a good feel for this place at all. I don’t think it gets loud enough, there are more advertisements than seats, there are hardly any fights, and people are more preoccupied with cartoons of Pepsi bottles racing around an imaginary track on the Jumbotron than what is happening on the field. It’s disgraceful. Trying to leave the parking lot after the game is about as easy as not getting your suit wet as you hold your wife under water for three minutes in the bathtub. I don’t care that you can buy a great roast beef sandwich and a beer for $13 dollars. I don’t care that you can see the pig cheerleaders better because of the way the stadium was built. I really don’t care that the field is a natural grass/synthetic hybrid or whatever the hell it is. This is what I want back in my experiences at Eagles games:
- Shit food for cheaper (who cares if there is rodent hair on my hot dog as long as I’m drunk enough)
- More drugs in the stands (this creates a louder, more hostile environment)
- More fights and ejections (especially between family members and/or women)
- “Two to a Stall” urinating plan re-instituted in a bathrooms
- Sinks with urinal cakes in them
- Increased violence in general
- Port-o-Potties in the corridors of the stadium where men think its ok to take a shit in the side urinal
- Blood and vomit (on concrete preferably)
- Zubaz pants (a must)
There is one thing that makes the Philadelphia sports experience what it is, and that is hatred. We need hatred towards opposing fans, hatred towards our team when they are playing like garbage, and most importantly, hatred towards ourselves for being losers. All of this negative energy made our fan base what it is. The Linc has sapped us of much of that power we held. It is now our kryptonite. I want the Vet reconstructed.
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