sorry cole. your odds of winning one of those just went down…
well, it looks like the mets got johan santana. and, quite possibly, we just got f’ed out of winning a championship anytime soon. he’s probably getting a six year deal, he’s only 29, he’s probably good for at least 15 wins, 240 K and a sub-3 ERA. and he throws a mean nasty bastard of a change up. ryan howard’s going to be dirt fishing quite a bit next year.
listening to 950 today, they were talking about the sportswriters awards or something that happened on monday. apparently the reaction to jroll and uncle charlie was quite loud and quite excited. 100 wins. championships. etc.
reality check time. the mets collapsed like britney spears last year. and they’ve got santana and pedro for a whole season. the phillies, for all the comings and goings this offseason, are about the same as they were last year. i think the phillies are a good team and i think they have a chance next year, but this really pisses in my cheerios.
Brace yourself Philly. Donovan McNabb is going to be interviewed on Sportscenter tonight, most likely complaining about something. There will be articles in the papers about it tomorrow and we will all dissect his comments like McNabb will be dissecting 50 wings a day after he retires. Jumbo wings. Some of the issues he will be commenting on this evening will probably be:
The Eagles lack of big weapons at wide receiver.
How he will ‘just go out there and try to win games and not focus on the off-field stuff’.
How he’s just trying to do his job.
How he wants to retire as an Eagle.
How he has not spoken to Andy Reid since the season ended.
How he just has fun out there.
The fact that he has gotten over being booed on draft day.
How he is almost 100% recovered from his knee injury.
How he loves Philly.
What else did we miss? Is he going to drop some crazy revelation? Is he gay? Does he enjoy eating human waste? Has he ever done ecstasy and danced in front of a mirror with glow sticks? Does he check other teammates out in the shower and then go home and rank them in a secret notebook? Come on Donny, give us something. Comments coming tomorrow.
dear god, it’s me, dj robbie. you know, your favorite foul-mouthed philly sports blogger. i wanted to thank you for answering my prayers for a new phillies third baseman. and while you may have under delivered (cabrera or blalock would have been nice), pedro feliz is acceptable. the man can field and hit (note to abraham nunez: they’re both important), he’s got a little pop, and most importantly, he’s not wes helms.
if thou shalt allow me to read from thy greatest tome, espn.com, it looks like we can safely expect 20 homers as well as 20 double plays from pedro. he’s got enough speed (or line drive power) to have averaged 30 doubles in his time. and god, if you can find the time, improve pedro’s batting eye so we don’t have another 100 K hitter clogging our line up.
And god, i take back all those mean things i thought this morning about ruben amaro and pat gillick when i heard “what you see is what you get” as far as this roster. just put those locusts back where you found them.
thanks for listening.
sincerely,
dj robbie
p.s. just one more thing. ryan howard is not going anywhere until 2011. he may still be the black rob deer. and i don’t want to see this cheap team stuck with a $12 million a year black rob deer. i’d rather pay through the nose if he stays the course in 2011. so please god, remind people that spending money unwisely is what gets this team into trouble. if he wants to bitch because he’s making $10 million (or more) a year for the next 5 years, good for him. it’s baseball. he can go hang with scott rolen.
I miss everything about it…..the noise, the awful smell, the cold weather that never mattered, the violence, the hatred, and of course the home field advantage it often created. The Vet is sort of like a psychotic ex-girlfriend you loved to hate, but still can’t seem to let go of. You always wondered what would have happened had you kept her around, maybe tried to change her a little, clean her up some….but those days are long gone. Now you’re dating someone new, she seems top notch, has a good job, a college education, no STDs, the whole package…yet something is missing. The new girl (or guy for all of our female and male homosexual readers) just doesn’t have that craziness and unpredictability that you often miss. There was always something about those nights when the old girlfriend would come home wasted, vomiting blood everywhere, cutting herself while laughing/crying hysterically, defecating in empty pizza boxes, dancing around the apartment like someone (not you of course) lit her on fire, lying, punching you in the face, only to wake up the next morning like nothing had happened and make a great omelet. You loved the insanity and danger, admit it. Well, that is what the Vet feels like to me. The old bi-polar girlfriend.
I am completely convinced that the Eagles would have won a Super Bowl and the NFC Championship Game against the Panthers had the game been played in the Vet. There was no way they would have lost two straight championship games there. he loss to Tampa Bay in 2003 was the single most painful Eagles loss in my life. It was worse than the Super Bowl loss to the Patriots. The Eagles were underdogs in the Patriots game, but we all know they would have whipped the shit out of the Raiders they year Tampa won it all. That Tampa loss still haunts me, especially since it was at home, it was the last game at the Vet, and everything seemed so perfectly set up for us. If the Curse of Billy Penn ever existed, it reared its ugly head that day.
The Linc was built for obvious reasons. There’s no need to get into the financial aspects of it. It brings in more money to the organization, the city, and it offers the fans a chance to not have to simultaneously take a piss in a urinal being shared by another man. I get it. The problem with the place is that it is too….nice? I can’t get a good feel for this place at all. I don’t think it gets loud enough, there are more advertisements than seats, there are hardly any fights, and people are more preoccupied with cartoons of Pepsi bottles racing around an imaginary track on the Jumbotron than what is happening on the field. It’s disgraceful. Trying to leave the parking lot after the game is about as easy as not getting your suit wet as you hold your wife under water for three minutes in the bathtub. I don’t care that you can buy a great roast beef sandwich and a beer for $13 dollars. I don’t care that you can see the pig cheerleaders better because of the way the stadium was built. I really don’t care that the field is a natural grass/synthetic hybrid or whatever the hell it is. This is what I want back in my experiences at Eagles games:
Shit food for cheaper (who cares if there is rodent hair on my hot dog as long as I’m drunk enough)
More drugs in the stands (this creates a louder, more hostile environment)
More fights and ejections (especially between family members and/or women)
“Two to a Stall” urinating plan re-instituted in a bathrooms
Sinks with urinal cakes in them
Increased violence in general
Port-o-Potties in the corridors of the stadium where men think its ok to take a shit in the side urinal
Blood and vomit (on concrete preferably)
Zubaz pants (a must)
There is one thing that makes the Philadelphia sports experience what it is, and that is hatred. We need hatred towards opposing fans, hatred towards our team when they are playing like garbage, and most importantly, hatred towards ourselves for being losers. All of this negative energy made our fan base what it is. The Linc has sapped us of much of that power we held. It is now our kryptonite. I want the Vet reconstructed.
Dallas, Texas. Scumbag capital of the world (anywhere in New Jersey is second, followed by Boston, then Baghdad). We here at City of Pain tend to not stray too far off the Philadelphia sports scene, but today we’re going to make an exception. Congratulations Dallas fans, because of your team’s epic choke job at home on Sunday, this day belongs to you. From here on out January 15th with be knowns as Cowboy Choke Day. To all you cockroaches, I hope this one hurts for a long, long, time. You deserve it.
It was all within your grasp wasn’t it? All you had to do was beat a team you had already beaten twice this season and then trample a 53 year old quarterback who was 0-9 in Dallas to reach the Super Bowl. Could it have looked any easier? You lost to Eli Manning. At home. You became the first #1 seed since 1990 (and the new playoff format) to lose their opening game. Quite an accomplishment. You let the pathetic Giants score a touchdown with under a minute left in the first half to take the game into halftime tied. You let every Giants fan believe they have a good team and that might be the funniest thing of all. You gave the rest of the country reason to smile and forget the tragedies of 9/11 with your performance, and for that we thank you and consider you heroes.
There were so many subplots during the game, it was almost hard to concentrate. The fact that T.O. caught exactly zero passes during the second half was amazing. The fact that you had the ball on the final drive to win the game and blew it was magical. Patrick Crayton blowing the entire game with his 3rd down drop. Watching Tony Romo do nothing for 60 minutes and ending the game with that complete goof ball look on his face almost brought tears of joy to the eyes of every Philadelphian.
The shots of Jerry Jones shadowing Wade Phillips on the sidelines during the waning seconds at the end of the game were priceless. Good luck trying to win a Super Bowl with Philips while the more promising coach on your staff, Jason Garrett, walks away. That’s unless you fire Phillips, which would be just as comical and disruptive for your organization anyway. It’s lose-lose for you and win-win for the rest of humanity.
Your team was never that good anyway, Cowboy fan. You may have started out 12-1, but you finished 1-3 and got exposed by every team in the NFC East along the way. You struggled against the Vikings, Panthers, and Bills. Your players, such as “pro bowler” Roy Williams and Tony Romo, are vastly overrated. It’s now obvious that Jessica Simpson has nothing to do with Romo’s on-field performance….he’s just a choker. You realized too late that Marion Barber should be the running back that should get 90% of the touches. Your uniforms are still gay, although you still have hot cheerleaders. Most importantly, you couldn’t capitalize when the going got tough, something that is beginning to become a part of the makeup of the franchise. You lose the big games. And as for T.O. and his crocodile tears during his press conference, please. What a total joke.
So yes Cowboy fans, we here in Philadelphia are the perpetual city of losers, so no need to remind us. Reminding us only makes us hate you more anyway. You may have more Super Bowls than us, more cowboys boots and belt buckles than us, and better looking cheerleaders (to see just how disgusting the current crop of hags we have on the sidelines are, please visit the Eagles’ website immediately), but it’s ok…..we have less gay fans, better uniforms, a fatter coach, and more violence in the parking lots during pre-games. That is what football should be about. You can keep Jessica Simpson, T.O., and two straight playoffs disasters.
