City of Pain

Unless you’re a Mets fan. In which case, God says “we’ll leave the light on for you.”

Waking up this morning, I feel like something bad happened but I’m not really sure how bad it is. It’s kinda like one of those mornings you wake up completely hung over, you have a vague recollection of meeting some chubby girl at the bar with the ass the size of Rhode Island and fingers the size of jumbo dogs, shots were involved, you may or may not have gone back to her house, you may or may not have watched her eat an entire large Domino’s Meat Lover’s pizza and wanted to kill yourself, you may or may not have started making out with her and realized how grossly oversized her adam’s apple looks under the muted light in her bedroom, and you may or may not have realized this was a really bad idea when she took off all her clothes and saw what you can only describe as not something a normal woman would have. You end the night back at your place fully clothed and crying in the shower doing your best Nancy Kerrigan impersonation…”WHY WHYYYYYY?”

Are the Phils screwed right now having to face Hudson and Smoltz the next two nights? Did you want to blow your brains out watching that weasel Geoff Geary come in and flush the season down the toilet? Were you wondering, like me, why Charlie Manuel pulled Moyer in the 6th when he’d been pitching good enough to give him a shot at getting out of the inning himself? Were you wondering how much PCP the home plate ump smoked prior to the game to be calling those balls in the first inning? The game should have never been 3-0.

- Abraham Nunez is an automatic out every time he steps up to the plate. I want to see Greg Dobbs in the game. Would you rather have a .237 hitter with no home runs and close to zero RBIs or a .276 hitter with power and 53 RBIs? Yea I thought so. And don’t give me defense….bring Nunez in the 8th inning if you want defense that bad.

- Someone needs to spike Tom Gordon’s grape soda with ricin

- I’m starting a petition to let the DC Sniper out of jail for one day so he can come up to the ballpark and gun down Geoff Geary. Geoff Geary is a fucking atrocity.

- Where is Iguchi?

I’m not sure what the hell went wrong. I feel confused. The past couple of years the Phillies have always been a game or two behind and trying to play catch up during the last week of the season. Going into last night, they had the ball in their court. All they had to do was win.