city of pain

Let me just say this. I don’t know who is going to win this series, but I sure don’t hear any of these Yankee fans chirping today. You fucking frauds, where are you? Maybe before you started running your mouths you should have taken a look at the Phillies postseason record the past two seasons. It’s 19-5, including 10-1 at home. And you douchebags thought you’d just walk into the ballpark and beat the Phillies because you are the Yankees. Please, spare me. Take a look at the rosters, take a look at the experience on the Phillies team, and take a look at who has been there recently.

All I hear out of Yankees fans is how obnoxious Phillies fans are. That’s funny. Maybe you’ll have to re-adjust that ‘Yanks in 6′ prediction you guys had at the beginning of yesterday. I hope Pedro goes out and shuts you down again, because I’m sure as fuck not scared of AJ Burnett. But I guess you’ll just win the next four right?

I’m not one for pre-game analysis and predictions. In fact, I fucking hate them. I saw dyed-hair douche tits AJ Pierzynski today on that abortion of a show “ESPN’s First Take” and they asked him what it would take for the Yankees to win the series. After dropping his pants, slobbering all over himself, rubbing his genitals over glossy pictures of Derek Jeter, and performing mock simulations of how he will perform oral sex on A-Rod after the Yanks sweep, they asked him the same question regarding the Phillies.

His response: “Well, I have to admit I’m trying to figure out a way the Phillies have any chance in this series and I really can’t think of any.”

This coming from a major league player who has won a world series ring in the past 5 years. Awesome. Hey ESPN, for your next segment why don’t you have one of your interns take a huge shit in the toilet and ask its opinion on next year’s Kentucky Derby. The point here being, no one is picking the Phillies to win. Yea you might hear some analysts say it will go 6 or 7 games, but they’re all picking New York.

Phillies Fans, I implore you to turn off all pre-game shit, stop reading experts picks, and forget about it all. Nobody knows what will happen (except Biff from Back to the Future). Obviously no one has watched the Phillies play all year. Apparently too many people were watching the Yankees to notice a team that is probably better than them. It’s cool because even when the Phils ’shock the world’, it will be because New York didn’t play well. The only way the Phillies will get any credit is if we win every game 15-3.

You moron Yankees fans seem to have a short memory (see Florida Marlins 2003 World Champions).

Yea so last night Dionte Christmas got pulled over by the cops for “driving erratically in a car with heavily tinted windows” on Broad Street. “Police later learned that the car Christmas had been driving belonged to Sixer forward/center Marreese Speights, Police said. The 9mm apparently also was registered to Speights, he said.”

Oh cool. I still don’t know why the Sixers let go such a high character rookie. I mean, he went to Temple so he definitely cannot be a criminal. For all we know he was driving to Sammy Dalembert’s house to make him ‘disappear’ and salvage the 2009-2010 season for the fans. Dionte Christmas was our John Connor sent back in time to take care of the man who is going to destroy the world of Sixers fans. I demand an explanation from the Sixers front office as to why the mission was aborted. I’m waiting for a response, Ed Stefanski.

And just like that…poof.  The Dodogers are out like the fat girl in dodgeball.

So all of you 10 out of 12 Sports Illustrated experts who predicted the Dodgers would beat the Phillies in the NLCS, die. Everyone who thought the Dodgers ‘experience’ would lift them above the Phils may want to check their credentials when making your predictions next postseason. Apparently they forgot the Phillies had experience of their own.

So now, bring on the Yankees. The team that last beat us in the 1950 World Series has another thing coming for them. This team has the ‘It’ factor and in the coming days will be preparing to dispose of your primadonna, overrated team. But for now, we will celebrate. We will give every Philadelphian hope where hope used to not exist. And we will prevail. Stay tuned.

Hit the showers Manny. Last one in is a rotten egg!

So sayeth the Wikipedia and so it shall be true:

The third and perhaps most familiar source is Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking-Glass and what Alice Found There. Carroll, having introduced two fat little men named Tweedledum and Tweedledee, quotes the nursery rhyme, which the two brothers then go on to enact. They agree to have a battle, but never have one. When they see a monstrous black crow swooping down, they take to their heels. The Tweedle brothers never contradict each other, even when one of them, according to the rhyme, “agrees to have a battle”. Rather, they complement each other’s words. This fact has led Tenniel to assume that they are twins also physically, and Gardner goes so far as to claim that Carroll intended them to be enantiomorphs, i.e. three-dimensional mirror images.

I’d like to take this opportunity to pick a little bone with Howard Eskin and the rest of the fourth estate here in Philadelphia. It would be nice to see people call a spade, a spade. Don’t tell me that good teams run the ball more because they’re winning because they’ve already passed the ball to score a lot of points. I understand passing is an integral part of today’s NFL offense. I’m not part of the Dirty Thirty so I get that. It’s the simple fact that you can more effectively pass when teams believe that you might run. Offense is about unpredictability and execution. You can run similar plays over and over again if you have superior execution and/or they don’t know its coming. The Redskins ran the fucking counter trey and million times in the 80’s. And you couldn’t stop it because they have superior execution with the Hogs. I can’t expect Andy to teach execution, so that leaves unpredictability.

46 passes to 16 runs is not unpredictability.

Did Andy Reid feel that 4 yards a carry was not a good result in the first half?

Did Andy and Marty feel that because they were down 3-0, 10-0 and 10-3 that the run should be abandoned to save time? And then piss away every second in the final four minutes?

The Eagles’ offense has had a chance to win the game for the team several times this year (not Washington #1 because the defense was abused and not the Ravens because Donovan was apparently pregnant that day)

Dallas: 4:35 to score a TD, 2 drives, 11 plays, 21 yards
Chicago: 10:30 to score a TD, 1 drive,  11 plays, 75 yards (this is predictability and bad execution at its finest)
New York #1: 3:17 to score a TD, 1 drive, 6 plays, 31 yards 
Cinci: 2:44 to score a FG, 2 drives, 6 plays, 9 yards (I’m not even going to look at OT, because it makes the pain to real…it’s like watching bud dwyer or something)
Washington #2: 15:00 to score a TD, 5 drives (4 3 and outs), 28 plays, 20 yards in 4 drives and 90 in the last

This is not a good sign. It hints at a bigger problem that I heard someone mention on Eskin tonight. Since the Super Bowl, the Eagles have been tied or behind in 32 games and have won only 5 of them. Either the defense isn’t doing enough to help the offense come back (quite possible) or it’s that the Eagles can’t play from behind because everyone knows they’ll just keep throwing the ball time and time again.

Fire Andy.

Thank you.